‘I’ll be right with you’ – the lost art of customer service

Time gets away from us, everyone knows it. Everyone complains about it. The older we get, the faster time moves, while those in their younger years say time crawls.

As I am just three weeks away from turning 60, I can easily say my life is busier now than it was when I was 35 and a young mother who worked full time.

I’m not complaining. I like having a busy life. I love my job and love my hobbies. 

I love being on the board at the Friends of the James Farm, the friendships I’ve amassed. I love riding the motorcycle with my husband. Weekends with my grandson. Vacations with family. I love writing and reading, whether doing it for my work, for James research or for my own pleasure.

So, isn’t my time valuable?

It’s nice to be busy, but it also means that I value my time and I don’t like to waste my time.

With that being said – I feel my time is valuable and should BE valued by others. After all, others value their own time, right?

A doctor’s time is no more valuable than my time. A minister’s time is no more valuable than my time. The hairdresser, nail technician, dentist, massage therapist, or anyone else in the service industry … their time is no more valuable than mine.

With that being said – what gives anyone the right to devalue my time? To make me wait, and wait, and wait after I’ve made a point to be ON TIME for an appointment I made in advance?

Reach out to your customers

I understand that things happen. A customer is late, which throws off the entire day for the service person – making every appointment following that late customer – run late.

In the old days – yes that of just 30 or more years ago – one would be told, “I’ll be right with you,” or “we’re running behind today, would you like to re-schedule?” Or, “we’re running behind today, the wait is …”

Simple statements like this go a long way in reducing the frustration and anger of the person who was on time for an appointment and now has to wait and wait and wait. Statements like this show that you, the person performing a service, value your customer’s time.

My tipping point

Recently I had scheduled a “me” day for myself. I didn’t have to work that day, so I made several appointments – manicure, haircut, audiology appointment, groceries, and finally – collecting my grandson for a weekend.

I’d made each appointment with plenty of time in between in which I could travel from one to the other, and manage to grab lunch and walk the dog.

The first appointment with the nail salon, was in fact – an appointment. I’d gone to this place, a new salon, a month ago before a vacation trip. I was 8 minutes early for my appointment. The salon has a “walk-ins welcome” policy. 

I was greeted by one of the owners, my appointment confirmed, told to pick out a color and sit down. Twenty-five minutes passed without a word. People paid and left and still I didn’t get waited on. The last manicure I’d had there, the owner had multi-tasked me with someone else, so a manicure that takes about 35 minutes took 90. 

I had another appointment in one hour which included 20 minutes travel time by this point, so I made the decision to walk out.

Had the owner said to me that there was a waiting time of x-amount of minutes, I might have stayed and called my next appointment to re-schedule.

My time and my business was not important to these people and so I left.

A new business discovered

After leaving, I looked at my nails which were in bad shape. I had two choices. Find another salon or try to get the professional manicure off the nails myself. I got in my car and instead of driving toward home, despite the time closing in on my next appointment, I drove to another, older salon in town.

Not only was I taken right away, but the technician was  no-nonsense. She worked only on me, consistently and finished me in exactly 35 minutes. PLUS – the manicure was $10 less than the place I had originally gone.

I will return there and the other place has not only lost my business, but I’ll never recommend them, either.

I was on time for my haircut only to find there was a delay due to a client being late earlier in the day. I adore my stylist and she’s always willing to work with me. She managed to get me cut and out with an eye to my audiology appointment, which was an hour’s drive.

A happy, pleasant office worker, with good
customer service skills is worth his/her
weight in gold.

Nevertheless, when I realized I was going to be late to that last appointment, I called. Sure enough, the receptionist was so thrilled that I called and she reassured me to drive safe and just get there when I could. In the end, I was just five minutes late and it was a slow day for them.

Tied to my ear doctor’s office, this business never makes me wait to be seen, is always apologetic if there is, for some reason, a wait. The doctor, simply the BEST doctor I’ve ever been to for anything - has given me his personal cell phone number in case of an emergency.

Who does that?

A person who cares and who values MY time.

Another lost business

We should never devalue our time for any reason, for anyone. A year ago I needed to have my blood pressure taken by a doctor in order to renew a prescription. I made an appointment at the clinic I’d been going to for more than 10 years. I was weighed and put into an examining room without a word that the doctor was running late. An hour and 15 minutes later, I had not been seen, the nurse hadn’t returned to let me know what was going on. I was basically left to stew over the fact I’d not been seen – not good for someone with high blood pressure.

For the first time in my life, I walked out of a doctor’s office. 

Being made to wait and wait for an appointment you've taken
the time to make and to arrive on time for, can be stressful. It
doesn't help if you also have high blood pressure. The act of
waiting and waiting can make blood pressure rise to unhealthy
levels!

I stopped the nurse and was polite, but firm, in telling her I’d never be back. That is the moment when I was told the doctor was running late all day due to an early morning emergency. “Didn’t anyone tell you?” she asked. “No,” I replied, or "I’d not be walking out right now."

I informed the office that in addition to constant mis-diagnoses by the nurse practitioners and the long wait periods, I’d find another practice.

Indeed, that office has lost our business – two people, which ought to amount to enough to make a dent in their pocketbooks, but no one cares.

My time is valuable and so is yours

Communication and courtesy has been tossed out with the bathwater in today’s world. It seems to live on the same plane as use of turn signals and supermarket clerks who pay attention to their customers – gone and forgotten.

There is always another service person you can turn to. Your time is valuable. You shouldn’t be made to wait without a chance to decide for yourself whether you want to wait or re-schedule. Frankly, I do not understand that “walk-ins are welcome” and then put ahead of those who make an appointment. It sounds as if that policy encourages new customers, but in fact – just how many customers walk out just as I did yesterday?

In this day and age of multiple service businesses, tight purse strings and very busy lives – we have a choice to take our business elsewhere – to where our time and business is valued.

Palm Sunday readies us for the death and resurrection of Jesus

"The next day the large crowd that had come to the feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem. So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him, crying out, 'Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!' And Jesus found a young donkey and sat on it, just as it is written, 'Fear not, daughter of Zion; behold, your king is coming, sitting on a donkey's colt!' His disciples did not understand these things at first, but when Jesus was glorified, then they remembered that these things had been written about him and had been done to him." - John 12:12-19

As an adult and Christian, I've found Palm Sunday disturbs me when I meditate on this day. Imagine, Jesus has been teaching. He's preached to thousands, he has his group of apostles. All of these people recognize him as the messiah, they believe in Him, yet are so clueless to what is coming.

But Jesus knows.

Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord

He knew what lay ahead even as he rode into Jerusalem that day on the donkey, riding atop branches of palm trees to shouts of "Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!"

Original art by author

Jesus never faltered. He knew his fate – his fate on this earth, the horror that was coming to Him and what would come to Him when he would resurrect to sit beside His Father at the throne of heaven. Glory lay ahead, but in front of it what the worse torture we could imagine.

And Jesus never succumbed to the pressures of knowing what was coming or even to when Satan tempted Him. 

He faithfully rode on that donkey on a rode lined with palm tree branches. Maybe He knew that one day all those who didn't understand what was coming or remember the prophecy of the Old Testament, would indeed remember that Palm Sunday. 

“Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion!
Shout, O daughter of Jerusalem!
Behold, your King is coming to you;
He is just and having salvation,
Lowly and riding on a donkey,A colt, the foal of a donkey." - Zechariah 9:9

Why do we prepare for Easter?

We spend the present-day Lenten season in study, attending Stations of the Cross, (if applicable to your religion), perhaps eating fish on Fridays, giving up something for Lent, attending church regularly - hopefully and in truth ... meditating throughout the season on what preceded the crucifixion and resurrection is what we need to study. 

To me, the most important week of Lent is the one between Palm Sunday and Easter. I don't always make it to church, but I always spend this week in reflection, study and prayer about Jesus. 

Recent movies make it easy for us to do so. Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" is one that I sobbed all the way through – but it's also one that brings to heart exactly what those last two days of Jesus' life were like. What He did for us. What he suffered for us.

And we get to go to heaven because of that suffering. We get, if we ask the Lord, announce we are sinners and accept Him into our hearts, to be relieved of our sins and we are - what is often termed - "born again."

"For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God." 
- Ephesians 2:8

Entering Holy Week

As the child of an Episcopal minister, I clearly remember my father's preparations for Easter during Lent and during Holy Week. My father was originally an evangelical preacher in his early years (1937-1951) and so much of that went into his services in the Episcopal Church throughout his life.

We ate fish on Tuesdays and Fridays in my childhood Lenten days. We gave up something for lent - it always had to do with food. 

However, that week before Easter is a busy one for a minister. Often there are nowadays Ministerial Alliances that offer prayer and luncheons or perhaps prayers and breakfast. These are a wonderful way to connect with the Spirit during this week of weeks if your schedule permits.

Maundy Thursday is not recognized by all religions, but it was by my Dad and he always had a service. Maundy Thursday is the celebration of the Last Supper. The last night Christ spent with his apostles - they had that "supper" he washed the feet of his disciples, he first announced the first communion - the bread and the wine - His body and blood.

After the Last Supper, Jesus led his disciples to the Garden of Gethsemane, where he prayed and implored His disciples to remain awake and pray with Him. 

Again, they were clueless about what was coming and slept. Jesus prayed fervently for God to take the cup of what was coming away from Him. But in the end, He also knew He would walk in faith and not disobey His Father.

More on this as we proceed into Holy Week.

God's Promise for Us

As we enter this Holiest of Weeks, study, read on God's word. It doesn't matter what religion you are, from what walk of life you are. It matters only that you quench that thirst for His word. Relieve that itch that you've had all your life for Him. We ALL have it.

Study and prepare. You can accept Christ at any time and be forgiven if you let Him into your heart. That's where the Lord can see and know you have accepted and believed. Once you have done this – you will be compelled to change your life, to follow Christ to be a better person.

Again, it doesn't matter who you are, what sins you've committed in the past, what your present cultural background is, what religion you presently believe in.

The gift of salvation is free and available to every human.

Remember ... He KNOWS YOUR NAME!

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." - John 3:16

Are you ready for heaven?

A few years ago, during a time of turmoil with a family member, whom I knew had not accepted Christ and, in fact, knew nothing about the Lord – I told him that he needed God in his life. His response was, "I don't need your God. We [his wife and he] have an angel looking over us."

Not only did his statement sadden me, but the near contradiction in terms (he believed in angels, but not God) brought a deeper sadness to my heart.

"Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me." - John 14:1

No amount of scripture or prayers has helped this young man and his wife, but they continue to remain in our daily prayers despite them casting us from their lives – calling us "delusional" in our beliefs.

As the recent years have progressed, I've seen more and more people turn away from the Lord. Even those who lacked a Bible-based church upbringing and knew nothing, are hardening their hearts.

People are taking sides more quickly and more firmly now

We all know the Lord will give people only so many chances and then their hearts will be hardened.

"Indeed, in their case the prophecy of Isaiah is fulfilled that says: 'You will indeed hear but never understand, and you will indeed see but never perceive. For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them.'" - Matthew 13:14-15

Not too long after the conversation with this family member who believed in angels but not in God, I was praying for him, his wife and their young child when I suddenly stopped as the Holy Spirit spoke to me, clearly saying, "Stop. Their hearts are hardened. You must not worry or be sad for them – it is done. But you must continue to pray."

I finally found ease and comfort from this as it helped me to let go of the emotion tied to their spiritual removal from belief in God and from my agony over the estrangement from them that began over something having nothing to do with prayer or belief in God.

In the past couple of years I've seen more and more people taking sides. Some are coming to the Lord with a fervor and others are clearly taking the other side.

Television shows, movies, magazines, Internet and the news has become filled with explicit sex, drugs, and a fascination by many of things that are dead – from zombies to vampires.

Some of the most popular TV shows and movies today involve zombies, death and destructions (Game of Thrones as an example), bondage and masochism (50 Shades of Gray) and more. Meanwhile, simple romantic comedies can barely last a season on television. People want to see the blood and gore, death, sex and drugs before anything else.

Reality shows are popular because they revolve around turmoil and arguments.

It's no wonder minds are turning from God and toward that which lives on earth.

"Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world." - 1 John 4:4

But there are those who DO believe

Meanwhile, those who do believe are gathering and bringing God's word to the masses in creative and new 21st century ways.

Don Piper, a minister and author of "90 Minutes in Heaven," ministers around the world and is now bringing his story to the big screen this fall. Producers have been focused on getting Piper's story right, scripturally based and even allowed Piper on the set throughout filming.

Producer Paul LaLonde has brought the first "Left Behind" book to the big screen too – it debuted in 2014 amidst criticism that it wasn't scripturally based enough. I've read the book series several times and seen the movie. LaLonde did a marvelous job on bringing the movie based on part of the first book in the series to film.

And he clearly is a believer.

Just because the movie wasn't full of scripture, doesn't mean it didn't compel some to pick up a Bible and begin reading, attending a Bible-based church or seeking someone who could tell them more about God.

A number of biblical movies have gone to film in recent years from Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" to "Noah" to "The Bible" - a mini series that covered a number of books of the Bible, among others.

"Heaven is for Real" was another movie based on the real story of Colton Burpo, a child who went to heaven during surgery and returned to life to talk about what he'd seen.

Dr. Mary Neal wrote "To Heaven and Back" about her experience of drowning while kayaking, going to heaven and returning back to life. Like Piper and Burpo, the experience changed her life.

It seems God is bringing His message to us loud and clear.

Heaven IS for real so we'd better be prepared

"Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour." - Matthew 25:13

It's more important than ever to be prepared. With social media, Internet websites, TV shows and movies spreading the message, there's no shortage of places to turn to for instruction.

Recently a different family member from the one with whom we are estranged, asked me to buy her a Bible. The mother of three boys and a stay at home Mom with no religious background, she knows she needs God in her life.

She asked me for a children's Bible – for herself to read and understand as well as for her children.

It matters not how we arrive at God's door, as long as we arrive – believing in Him, worshipping Him and walking in faith.

"And Peter said unto them, 'Repent ye, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.'" - Acts 2:38

Enjoy those voices in your head

I was unable to fall asleep. Sitting in the recliner, not curled up in my warm bed, my world was spinning. It was the second ear infection in two months, vertigo rocking my world and nothing more I could do than recline, close my eyes and try to bring restorative sleep.

Saying prayers prior to sleep is what I do, always. So on this night I said those prayers:

"Lighten my darkness I beseech thee O Lord, and by thy great mercy defend me from all dangers and perils of this night, through the mercy of your son, my savior Jesus Christ." (1928 Book of Common Prayer)

"Lord Jesus be with us, for evening is at hand and the day is past. Be our companion in the way. Kindle our hearts and awaken hope that we may come to know you as you are revealed through scripture and the breaking of bread." (Book of Common Prayer, Evening Prayer)

They always comfort me and speak to the Holy Spirit for protection during the night. I am a great believer in the necessity of needing spiritual protection through the night, when you are at rest and not consciously wearing that protective armor of God.

Usually after saying the above prayers I fall into a restful, deep sleep. I'm happy to say that at 58 years old, I don't have a lot of the same sleep deprivation problems my peers do. I sleep pretty well.

Once in a while, however, I can't rest my mind as on this night a few weeks ago.

Oh those voices in my head

I began looking for something comforting to put my mind on. It was February and always a difficult month for me. My mother's birthday was Feb. 2nd, and she's been gone for 33 years. My father passed away in 2002 on Feb. 5, and my sister passed Feb. 19, 2013, after a long battle with congestive heart failure and a terrible six-week-long death process.

February is rough to plow through – but I have faith that each year it will become less complicated for me. In 2014, the first anniversary of my sister's passing and the horrific journey her hospice care entailed - I was ill for the entire six weeks. I never came out of my illness until after her anniversary had passed.

I couldn't let that happen again.

Nevertheless, within two weeks of the second anniversary of her death, here I was, stuck in the recliner again - this time with ear problems, vertigo and an inability to have the freedom to simply get up and walk around the house.

How could I sleep?

Using happy memories

I decided to use the happy memories instead of the sad ones.

I closed my eyes and  recalled my mother's voice - something I can still do all these years later. And so began the memory trail.

I remembered my father's voice and his last words to me, "I love you too, very much." Quite a statement for a man of faith, but who had a difficult time expression emotion to his family.

I remembered my sister's last words, "You are so beautiful," as she looked at me the last time she opened her eyes, hours before her death.

I can hear the cackle of her laugh, her dry sense of humor, how she said my name.

And so I moved on through the voices. This time I could take it further – to old friends and family. I remembered an old adult friend of my parents, Virginia Myers, who lived on a farm in Virginia where I loved to visit. I can hear Virginia's strong southern voice as clearly as if she's standing right here today.

And that brought delightful childhood memories with it.

Before I knew it, I had my brother's voice (he's still with us!), his laugh and his beautiful spontaneity. His son's voice - gone these 33 years too - is in my memory. Jimmy's voice was just like his father's once he'd become an adult.

As I traveled down the voice-memory road, I embarked even further than friends and family. Suddenly, there was Clark Gable and Vivian Leigh – two of my favorite actors, Julie Andrews singing "The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Music," Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire ... so many voices that have brought so much pleasure into my life.

What a blessing to be able to remember them all!

I began to hear Joel Osteen's voice and his latest message from the previous Sunday.

Soon I began to relax and sleep was approaching.

Listening to God

As I began to drift off, I realized I was hearing God's voice too. I had prayed for His protection during the night and he answered, bringing me the comfort of voices I have loved over the years, allowing them into my mind – uninterrupted.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." - Phillippians 4:6

Mindful mediation can come from many different ways and attempts. You simply have to still your mind and wait for the Lord to speak as I did on this one night.

Listen and He will speak. Listen to those wonderful memories inside your head for comfort and closeness.

The memories are sweet and kind. Concentrate on those, not the bad ones. Let go and let live.

I've read Outlander's 8 books, now what do I do?

I began panicking about three weeks ago.

I started reading the Outlander book series, by Diana Gabaldon, in mid-August of 2014, after watching the first episode of the STARZ show. I was hooked.

An avid reader who also loves time travel romances, it didn't take much for me to dive into the Outlander books, quickly becoming head over heels thoroughly wrapped up in the series of books.

It has taken me six months to finish the series of eight books – the eighth published just last year and, we hear from Gabaldon - not the final book either.

Nevertheless, I panicked three weeks ago when I started on book eight.  For six months I had opened my Kindle and read the books – a little each day – at breakfast, lunch, sometimes dinner and before bed. Yes readers, I do have a life, but anyone who loves to read knows that when you get hooked on a good book ... you just can't put it down.

I knew I'd no longer be able to pick up my Kindle and wonder what Jamie and Claire were up to on a daily basis. Where were Bree and Roger? William and Lord John? How was the Ridge doing? Fergus, Marsali and the children?

After six months, one begins to have these characters in the back of the mind all day. They become real, and in a small sense you can't wait to find out what they are doing.

In reality, it becomes "what is Gabaldon doing with them?"

Spoiler Alert

Read no further if you haven't read the books and don't want to know anything past where the  TV series left off.

Claire and Jamie from a scene in the Outlander TV series.
Claire is played by Catriona Balfe, Jamie by Scottish actor
Sam Heughan. 

Gabaldon's zest for history, all things Gaelic, smells and sights

You only have to read through the first book in the series to fall in love with Gabaldon's writing style. There are thousands of authors and books out there, some are very good - some not so good. But not all writers have a specific "style" that sets them apart from even the good writers.

Gabaldon is one of those writers who is set apart. Stephen King is another. Their styles are totally different as is the genre of their works. Nevertheless, their writing styles are so distinctive that one is drawn into their books like a moth to light.

Gabaldon has sucked me in with her vivid descriptions of the smells, odors, fragrances surrounding the characters. You could almost sense yourself sharing those smells with Claire as she describes the smell of a tavern (ordinary) - the smell of unwashed bodies, sweat, beer, cheese, wood smoke, cooking ham and more. You get the picture – or the smell anyway.

She describes the terrain so perfectly - whether it's the highlands of Scotland, the muddy, dirtiness of 18th century Edinburgh (or Philadelphia) or the mountains of North Carolina.

Claire's healing ability is featured throughout every book. Going from nurse to physician in the 20th century and back to the 18th century, where she takes her vast surgical healing skills and customizes them for the times. She becomes "conjure woman" - a healer - a physician.

Claire makes use of what is available to her - herbs, oils that she makes - to ether, penicillin, a make-shift stethoscope and microscope, even acupuncture needles; she  always figures it out. From fixing a crushed finger to surgery and amputation during war, to delivering babies, eye care, dental care and more - she finds a way; always sticking to the physician's oath she took back in the 20th century.

Can you speak Gaelic?

Gabaldon makes use of the Gaelic language throughout her books - yet always explains what the phrase means. By the time I finished the eighth book, I found myself fascinated by the Gaelic phrases - using them from time to time.

I caught myself using ken and kent instead of "know." And instead of telling someone to worry, I was saying, "dinna fash." Now, everyone I know is looking at me like I'm a lunatic.

Don't mind me, it's Outlander fever.

How did I miss Outlander 20 years ago?

Diana Gabaldon is the author of the Outlander series.

How I missed finding Gabaldon's series 20+ years ago when it first came out, I have no idea. Those were the days when one HAD to go into a bookstore and peruse the shelves. There wasn't Amazon or online shopping; no Kindles or Nooks to pave the way. One had to buy or borrow a physical book.

After about 55 years of reading physical books, I caved in and bought a Kindle a few years ago and it usually goes with me wherever I go. It's one less thing to clean (meaning no book sitting on a shelf) and now I can lay in bed and hold my Kindle, backlit and able to read easily enough. All of my Outlander books are on my Kindle.

I loved being able to click on a word to know the meaning. Because as any Gabaldon fan knows, Diana is a scholar and researcher, she is well versed in her vocabulary and strove throughout her books to not only use words native to the 18th century, but descriptive words that I had to find the meaning to in order to understand a sentence. The books are a history lesson with fascinating characters.

Gabaldon is not just the creator of this fabulous fiction series, but holy smokes - she's smart as a whip!

The cast of characters

With the STARZ series having begun broadcasting last August, Outlander fans now know what Claire and Jamie look like, Dougal, Geillis, Colum, Murtaugh, Black Jack Randall and Frank, and others native to the first book in the series.

It's been wonderful to read the books and picture Claire and Jamie growing old and I can't wait to see who is picked to portray other main characters on the show, such as Brianna, Roger, Fergus, Marsali, Ian the son of Jenny and Ian Murray, William and Lord John - to name a few.

Then there are the other time travelers, the characters we do know from history – Benedict Arnold, Marquis de Lafayette, George Washington, Sam Adams and others.

I can only hope to write as well as Gabaldon

As a writer of mostly historical accounts, I have loved Gabaldon's description of her early years of writing ... from her desk, without traveling all over the world. She did her research the old-fashioned way - through libraries and books and yes, the Internet.

And she's still managed to write a series of epic proportions.

Now that I've got some time on my hands, perhaps I can finally finish my nonfiction book on the heinous crimes of Dr. George Fraker.

After all, Diana Gabaldon has inspired me to get moving.

Meanwhile, she is working on book 9. Just what will Jamie and Claire be up to next?

Robin Williams – the world has lost its own Peter Pan

As a very young adult, I watched a goofy TV show called "Mork and Mindy," in which this hilarious alien lands, in an egg-ship, on earth and befriends a young woman named Mindy.

The show would be considered silly by today's standards, which embraces more blood, gore and sex on TV than comedy – but I loved it. Moreover, I loved Robin Williams.

I had always wanted to be an actress, but never had the courage to become one. I always had so much respect for those who pursued that dream, especially those who were comedians. Laughter is one of the greatest stress relievers there is – it brings joy, abundance and helps you forget about  your troubles, if only for a few moments.

Robin Williams was genius at bringing laughter to each person who witnessed his comedy. He was quick on the draw, his repertoire was fast and deep-rooted. Whether he was on a talk show, entertaining the troops, being interviewed on the fly or simply acting in a movie, his wit was fast and always funny.

I've seen many of his movies, but not all of them. I preferred the funny Robin over the serious one. Just my preference – it has no bearing on his acting ability, which I believe was outstanding in every way.

Robin Williams with that Peter Pan-ish
mischievous look that was his signature.

His performance in Mrs. Doubtfire stands out as one of his best comedic performances and I've seen that movie a hundred times. His turn as the ultimate young boy in Peter Pan is yet another performance where he took a serious role and turned it back toward childhood, showing we really never should grow up.

Williams was Patch Adams, and I believe he played Teddy Roosevelt better than the man himself in Night at the Museum. His character of Seymour Parrish in One Hour Photo was terrifyingly real – he could play a psycho very easily, channeling his tenacious wit into an obsessive/compulsive fatal attraction character.

There was no other actor who could have played Popeye except Williams. Then there were the animated movies, Aladdin and Happy Feet, to name a few – even when he was putting on an accent, you knew it was Williams in the role. No one could ever duplicate him.

I tried to watch his recent TV show, The Crazy Ones, last season – being the dedicated fan that I am, but found Williams the only entertaining part of that show. If he couldn't be himself, whether funny or serious – it just didn't work.

The man faced demons all his life, like so many others who are artists, it seems as if you aren't the best if you aren't just a little "off" in the head. You can have great success, money, fame – the best novels, best acting career, best paintings – but the caveat is the torture you go through inside your head.

Williams wasn't the first and he won't be the last.

I am saddened that he made it 63 years and gave up. Did he know how many of us? How many hundreds of thousands of us loved him? We loved him for his humor, his sadness, the great joy he brought to us no matter what he was doing.

If anything, I pray that Williams' untimely death by his own hand brings light and attention to the many who suffer from depression, addiction and other mental illnesses. I have been there and I know so many others who have as well.

There is a way out that doesn't include death. This year alone I had two friends reach out to me who were considering suicide. I reacted to both contacts immediately and both are still with us, though sadly, one will no longer speak to me because I interfered.

Call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Life is to be valued and treasured. Who knows how many lives may now be saved because Williams took his own.

I will forever look at the man as the boy who just didn't want to grow up – Peter Pan. He's flown off to Never Never Land, where he can play with the Lost Boys and hang with Tinker Bell, somewhere "second star to the right and straight on till morning."

So long Robin, we will miss you. Na-Nu, Na-Nu

Essential Oils for first aid - part two

An essential oil first aid kit is one of the most important parts of your medicine cabinet. It is also helpful to create a second kit in small 5/8 dram or 1 dram sizes – cobalt or amber colored. You can fill five or six of these with your "can't live without blends" and carry in your purse in a small pouch. Don't forget to label them!

In our last blog, I provided the recipe for a Bruise Blend and a general First Aid Blend. Another useful oil to carry around is not a blend, but an individual essential oil – lavender.

Lavender has a multitude of uses, smells delightful, and can be used without diluting with carrier oils.

How to use lavender essential oil

Firstly, be sure you are purchasing an organically grown, low-steam distilled lavender essential oil, or you won't obtain the healing properties intended. Heating essential oils burns off their therapeutic qualities.

Again, Mountain Rose Herbs is the best place I've found for quality and efficacy in oils.

To apply: place a few drops of lavender essential oil on the affected area; diffuse with a cold diffuser/nebulizer, not heated; place several drops of lavender essential oil into the palm of your hand, rub your palms together and place your hands over your nose and inhale/exhale three times - deeply. You may also apply the oils to the soles of your feet.

Lavender's properties:

• Antiseptic
• Analgesic
• Anti-tumoral
• Anti-convulsant
• Sedative
• Anti-inflammatory
• Cleansing cuts and wounds
• Wonderful for skin care
• Soothing for burns and sunburn
• Relaxing

24 Uses for Lavender Essential Oil

• Rub lavender oils on the feet for an overall calming effect on the body.
• Add a drop or two of lavender oil to a tissue or cotton ball and place inside your pillow case to aid in sleep.
• Place 1-2 drops of lavender essential oil on a bee sting or insect bite to stop itching and reduce swelling. Note: lavender essential oil is NOT a substitute for counter-acting an insect sting if the person is allergic and needs medical care immediately.
• Place 2-3 drops of lavender essential oil on a minor burn to decrease pain. May be applied as often as needed.
• Mix several drops of lavender essential oil with cold pressed extra virgin olive oil and use topically on eczema and dermatitis.
• Place several drops of lavender essential oil on a minor cut to help stop the bleeding.
• To alleviate the symptoms of motion sickness, put a drop of lavender essential oil on the end of the tongue or around the navel or behind the ears.
• To stop a nosebleed, put a drop of lavender essential oil on a tissue and wrap it around a small chip of ice. Push the tissue-covered ice chip under the middle of the top lip to the base of the nose and hold as long as comfortable or until the bleeding stops. Be careful not to freeze the lip or gum.
• Rub a drop of lavender essential oil on chapped or sunburned lips.
• Rub a drop of lavender essential oil on the bridge of the nose to aid in blocking tear ducts.
• Rub lavender essential oil on dry or chapped skin.
• To reduce or minimize the formation of scar tissue, massage lavender essential oil on and around the affected area.
• Rub 2-4 drops of lavender essential oil on the armpit to act as a deodorant.
• Rub a drop of lavender essential oil between your palms and inhale deeply to alleviate the symptoms of hay fever.
• Rub several drops of lavender essential oil into the scalp to aid in eliminating dandruff.
• Place a few drops of lavender essential oil on a cotton ball and place in your linen closet to scent the linens, and repel moths and insects.
• Place a few drops of lavender essential oil in your water fountain to scent the air, kill bacteria, and prolong the time between cleanings.
• Rub a drop of lavender essential oil on a corn, callous or bunion mornings and evenings.
• Place a few drops of lavender essential oil on a wet cloth, such as a wash cloth, and toss into the dryer to deodorize and freshen your laundry – in place of a dryer sheet.
• Put a drop of lavender essential oil on a cold sore to soothe it.
• Diffuse lavender essential oil to alleviate the symptoms of allergies.
• Spritz several drops of lavender essential oil, mixed with distilled water on a sunburn to decrease pain. You can also add a little aloe as well, instead of the distilled water. Note: Always use a glass spritzer bottle when working with essential oils. Plastic will only work when you have the oils diluted with something such as distilled water, vinegar or rubbing alcohol.
• Drop lavender essential oil on a cut to clean the wound, disinfect it and kill bacteria.
• Apply 2-3 drops of lavender essential oil to a rash to stop the itching, soothe and heal the skin.

Lavender works well with just about any essential oil

The best companion oils for lavender include: any citrus oil, such as lemon, tangerine, orange, grapefruit and lime; clary sage and geranium. However, lavender can be combined with any essential oil.

Tea Tree Oil and Lavender

Tea Tree oil (melaleuca alternifolia) comes from the myrtle botanical family, native to Australia. Tea tree is anti-infectious, anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, anti-viral, anti-parasitic, antiseptic, anti-inflammatory, neurotonic and analgesic – just to name a few of it's fabulous properties.

Tea tree oil works well to cleanse the home too. It's great to use to wipe down surfaces, but using 20-30 drops in a glass spritzer and adding distilled water to the container as well. Spray and wipe down door handles, counters, light switches, bathroom objects, etc.

Tea tree oil can be diffused with a nebulizer to help disinfect the home and eliminate odors.

But more on tea tree oil's individual uses in another blog.

Lavender essential oil and can blended with Tea Tree to enhance the use of lavender oil. The anti-microbial, anti-bacterial properties of tea tree oil are wonderful as a first aid blend.

You can clean a small cut with the blend, use it to soothe a rash, sunburn or skin affliction.

Tip of the Day

Essential oils are subtle in use, volatile and are distilled from shrubs, flowers, trees, roots, bushes and seeds. They oxygenate by helping to transport nutrients to the cells of the body. They are able to break through the cell receptor sites and, by doing so, help us to be healthier. Essential oils are highly concentrated, so a little goes a long way.

Always use therapeutic grade essential oils – that is – oils that come from plants organically grown and are carefully low temperature and long steam distilled.

Note: This information is intended for educational purposes only. These recipes are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. If you are allergy prone or sensitive to scents, test the oils in small amounts. The essential oils are not for internal use. Anyone suffering from any disease, illness or injury should consult with a physician.

Essential oils for first aid - Part One

I am about as clumsy as anyone can get. I trip, I slam my fingers in the screen door, I've been caught by the dog's leash, I even recently had a box spring fall on me causing a lot of bruising. I always keep an essential oil first aid kit nearby for these incidents.

Essential oils, specially blended for first aid are a wonderful way to treat a bruise, cut, bug bite or other small injury immediately after the injury occurs.

Important to remember

Never just treat an injury with essential oils and forget about it. Be SURE to assess the situation and ask yourself these question:
• Is the injury bad enough to require stitches?
• What bit you? Was it a snake bite? Poisonous spider? Bee or wasp and are you allergic?
• Did the person hit his/her head hard enough to sustain a concussion?

Never simply substitute essential oils for a physician's or emergency room care. A bump or scrape or simple bug bite can easily be treated by essential oils, but serious injuries may very well require extended care – so be smart about what you use and when you use it.

How to handle a simple booboo that results in bruising

I also bruise very easily. I am light skinned and have always been that way. I love the way my bruise blend helps prevent bruising from occurring.

My favorite recipe:
• 3 drops helichrysum (excellent for pain, swelling and the bruising)
• 6 drops lavender
• 4 drops lemongrass
• 4 drops geranium (wonderful for skin regeneration)
• 3 drops peppermint
• 3 drops black pepper
• 5 drops arnica

Add the above to a glass essential oil bottle and fill to the top with a carrier oil, such as jojoba or extra virgin olive oil.

Apply 1-3 drops to the affected area, depending on how big the injury. One of the tricks to preventing bruising is to apply immediately after injury – waiting hours will still help with pain and swelling but will not prevent bruising/discoloration.

You can add a cold compress as well to prevent swelling and apply the oils as often as needed. One application is not enough.

Cypress and marjoram are also good oils to add as they help to strengthen the capillary walls that cause the bruising. Marjoram is great for aches and pains, however, that is also the job of the black pepper, arnica, helichrysum and peppermint in the recipe above.

Birch, clove and nutmeg (individually) can be added to the above recipe as well. Birch is an analgesic, antispasmodic and anti-inflammatory. The clove and nutmeg can be especially helpful if there is deep tissue bruising and a great deal of pain.

Be sure that you label any blends you create so no one mistakenly uses oils from a bottle for another malady. Keep all bottles tightly sealed and away from sunlight. ALWAYS use glass bottles, amber or cobalt colored.

Do not apply anything with arnica in it to open wounds.

First Aid Blend

One should always take into consideration the type of wound and the whole body's reaction to the injury. This blend is truly meant for small wounds, small cuts, blisters, bug bites. It is also good in a pinch for pain relief such as from headaches.

Remember: assess all injuries and NEVER substitute essential oils for a trip to the emergency room or clinic if such a trip is required.

My favorite recipe:
• 10 drops lavender
• 10 drops birch
• 5 drops melaleuca (tea tree)
• 3 drops German (or Roman) chamomile
• 5 drops geranium
• 5 drops helichrysum

Add the above to a glass essential oil bottle and fill to the top with a carrier oil such as: jojoba, extra virgin olive oil, grape seed oil or sweet almond oil. Tighten lid and store in a cool dry place. Be sure to label the bottle before storing.

Apply 2-3 drops to injury and add a cold compress if a new injury, warm compress if old. Sometimes a warm, wet cloth is called for. Apply as needed.

You can alter this recipe to use strictly for bug bites by adding 5 drops of citronella and 3 drops of lemongrass.

Tip of the Day

Essential oils are the oldest and some of the most powerful therapeutic agents known. They have a lengthy history of use in healing and anointing throughout the ancient world. There are over 200 references to aromatics, incense and ointments in the Bible – both the Old & New Testaments.

Always use therapeutic grade essential oils – that is – oils that come from plants organically grown and are carefully low temperature and long steam distilled.

Note: This information is intended for educational purposes only. These recipes are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. If you are allergy prone or sensitive to scents, test the oils in small amounts. The essential oils are not for internal use. Anyone suffering from any disease, illness or injury should consult with a physician.

Essential oil basics

Spring is in full bloom and summer isn't so far off. Folks are suffering from hay fever, bumps, bruises, pricks from those rose thorns – we're just over all a bit more active outdoors – and that brings on the slight injuries, sunburn, cuts and scrapes.

Since I began dabbling in aromatherapy nearly 20 years ago, I learned quickly to assemble a first aid kit to keep in the house and one in small bottles to carry with me. It takes time to assemble the blends, seal the bottles, label them, etc., so you don't want to be doing it when your child is standing in front of you, blood dripping from a skinned knee.

How to purchase quality oils

Firstly, when using essential oils it's important to always buy quality oils. They should come from organically grown plants and be low steam distilled. If you purchase cheap oils that have been heated during the distillation process, you will not achieve the healing you need. Cheap oils are great when you are wanting to put a little peppermint down to repel ants, but not for healing.

Secondly, be sure to test oils on a small spot on the sole of your foot before using. If you are highly allergic to a lot of things, then for sure check out each oil, so an Internet search for allergens with the oils. Most of all, always use a carrier oil, such as: extra virgin olive oil; sweet almond oil, jojoba oil, macadamia nut oil, hemp oil or rosehip oil.

A great store for buy organic essential oils, carrier oils and bottles is Mountain Rose Herbs. Young Living Oils is another wonderful source, but you have to be a consultant and member – it's network marketing. Most of Mountain Rose Herbs' oils are organically grown. They are of the highest quality and their customer service is outstanding, as are their prices.

A carrier oil will help to dilute the volatile essential oils. Volatile is the key word here. Just because you utilize essential oils by the drop, doesn't make them ineffective in small quantities. In fact, many oils are quite powerful in small quantities of drops.

Less is always more.

Recipes ... how to mix up the oils

This one stumped me when I first began working with oils. I had no idea what to do or how people figured this out. Sure enough, you can start with a recipe and as you learn more and more about the oils, then you can add some here or take some away there.

Hands down, the best book I've found out there is The Essential Oils Desk Reference, published by Life Science Publishing and used by Young Living Oils. It comes in hardcover and a smaller, spiral bound edition. It is expensive, but if you are serious about working with essential oils – this book is, well – essential.

The Essential Oils Desk Reference has a list of individual essential oils, their uses, their botanical family, plant original, extraction method, chemical constituents, actions, traditional uses, indications, other uses, application, fragrance influence, safety data and companion oils. Because this book is used by Young Living, it also lists the YL blends in which each individual oil is used. The book also contains Young Living's blends.

You can purchase the book online, even at Amazon. Though going directly to the link above, through the publisher, I found the book less expensive than elsewhere. You don't have to be a YL distributor to use this book. It has recipes in the back that I have used exclusively for the last 14 years, and I am no longer a YL distributor.

There are also specific techniques in the book for reflexology, vita flex and raindrop therapy.

I have personally developed my own shingles blend, bruise, first aid, respiratory support, pain-relief, stress-relief, skin moisturizer and more. When I am sick or hurting, I turn to the oils for relief.

The Complete Book of Essential Oils and Aromatherapy is another good book full of great recipes, including perfumes and fragrances, gifts, etc., if you are interested.

How do you use essential oils

• Direct Application: Apply directly to the skin. Dilute most essential oils unless you've used them before and can tolerate them applied "neat." Dilute with a drop or two of carrier oil.
• Direct Inhalation: Place several drops of an essential oil or blend into the palm of your hand, rub your palms together, cup your hands over your nose and inhale/exhale several times. Be sure that when you use the oils you are keeping them out and away from your eyes and not getting the oils in direct contact with the eyes or nose – a little drop of peppermint on the nostril will make your eyes water!
• Layering: Rub an oil or blend onto an area and once it is dry, you rub another oil or blend onto the same area for additional benefits.
• Massage: Essential oils are wonderful when added to massage or reflexology treatments. You can mix 10-12 drops of your favorite essential oils or blend with one ounce of massage oil (carrier oil) and apply to the body. This is wonderful for the back, legs, arms, hands and feet. You can even rub it onto the ear lobes or temples for wonderful relief of stress.
• Bath: You can add 2-3 drops of essential oil such as lavender to your bath and soak off the day. Be careful not to slip when getting into the tub.
• Compress: I often place a warm or hot compress over an essential oil application in cases such as: kidney ailments, upset or nauseous tummy, aches, pains and bruises and headache.
• Bruising: A great recipe for bruising will be in a future blog. However, it is important to remember to add a few drops from your bruise blend to the bruise ASAP after injury. The quicker the better. I recently was throwing something into a dumpster when an entire box spring that someone had not secured into the dumpster carefully, fell on me. It bruised and scraped my wrist, forearm, elbow and back of the upper arm. I ran into the house immediately and applied my bruise blend and applied a COLD compress to keep the swelling down. I never turned blue on any of the injured spots - EXCEPT for the back of the upper arm – where I had not realized I had been injured. However, applying the bruise blend later gave me pain relief. By applying the blend immediately after injury, you can often prevent a bruise from forming and reduce healing time. You can apply the blend as often as needed.

Safe use of essential oils

• Always keep a bottle of carrier oil handy to dilute the oils.
• Keep bottles of oils tightly closed and stored away from direct sunlight.
• Keep oils out of reach of children.
• Women who are pregnant or nursing, or infants should not use essential oils unless recommended by their physician.
• Oils rich in menthol (such as peppermint) should not be used on the throat or neck of children under the age of 30 months.
• Citrus based oils can cause a sensitivity to sunlight. Avoid exposure to sunlight 3-6 hours after applying these oils.
• Keep oils away from the eyes – again – you've no idea how this will burn! In case of contact, be sure to wash out the eye with a vegetable oil, NOT water.
• Essential oils are not for internal use. However, a few drops of lemon essential oil to boiling water can give a wonderful lemony taste to pasta. You can add 1-2 drops of an herb essential oil such as basil, oregano, marjoram or thyme to a pasta sauce or other dish. Remember: less is more.
• If you are suffering from any disease, be sure to consult a physician before use.

Marriage is work – let's call it 'Conscious Coupling'

It was a gorgeous early fall day in September 1986 when my 72-year-old father walked me down the aisle at last. I was 30, and waiting at the front of the church was my handsome husband-to-be with a huge grin on his face.

We promised to love, honor and obey. We didn't write our own vows, choosing instead to simply recite the standard verse. It was a lovely wedding though bittersweet, for my parents had missed my first wedding and now my mother wasn't there to enjoy the day. She had passed away four years earlier, though was there in spirit. Nevertheless, it was a joyous occasion. My father, handsome in his black clericals, and grinning from ear-to-ear, gave me away and my dear brother presided at the wedding. My sister, stunning in a royal blue dress with her bright blond hair gleaming, attended me.

We had a small handful of friends and family at the intimate reception in the church parish hall next door to my brother's church.

My husband and I dancing at our wedding
reception, Sept. 13, 1986.

My husband and I meant our vows. Both of us were divorced from others and this was our second marriage. In these past 28 years – 30 years total together – we've had it rough at times. We worked really hard to keep our marriage going.

We weathered a difficult pregnancy with our son, and estrangements from his other two children. Financial problems always seemed to plague us, but we've gotten through those too. We've had times when we didn't like each other very much and other times when it was full on bliss.

Somewhere along the line we pulled away from each other, but fought truly hard to bring our relationship back to where it needs to be. And thankfully, our faith and love of Jesus has kept us on the straight and narrow for years now.

Last year, an employee at our chiropractor's office told me, as we headed out the door for lunch after our treatments – it would never occur to her husband of nearly 20 years to go to lunch with her.

Holy cow – does that really happen? I frankly can't begin to count how many women I know who talk trash about their husbands and hate doing anything with them. After 30 years together we still prefer each other's company, and that has required effort. We allow each other time for our own hobbies and each attempts to enjoy the other's interests too.

My husband has been so gracious to accept my ties to the Jesse James history and attended events with me, while I get on the back of his motorcycle and ride around the countryside with him (actually I DO like that) and despite my distasted for all the bikini car washes at the motorcycle dealership, I still go to those events with him.

I guess you would say our hard work and dedication to our marriage has been a 'conscious coupling.' Sometimes we still act like a couple of newlyweds and my husband's face is the first thing I look for in the morning, thanking the good Lord above for that blessing.

So, with that in mind, I find myself annoyed by all the attention focused on Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband's separation. This phrase of theirs, 'conscious uncoupling' taking the lead in making it sound like their inability to commit to working at their marriage is OK.

It's not OK.

I get it – I have been divorced – though a very long time ago.

Paltrow has made the rounds of interviews in the past where she hinted at open marriage, hinted at living apart much of the time and all the things that go with the superstar, mega-millions lifestyle of the rich and famous.

She came from a successful marriage – her parents remained together until her father died.  What happened to that example? Magazine headlines heralded how Gwyneth and hubby worked hard at their 10-year marriage. Oh heck - that's barely out of the honeymoon stage.

Then there are the homes. Who the heck needs four mansions? Together they are worth more than 40 million dollars. Granted, Chris Martin alone made well over that amount in just one year recently. Two of those homes, were they sold, would sure feed a lot of homeless people.

Their friends are coming out of the closet insisting they are not shocked by the marital breakdown. Paltrow has been called a prima donna, and a pampered, member of the jet set. She has no idea how hard it can be to exist in a world where you could lose everything if you lost your job. Where people live from paycheck to paycheck; raising children, providing daycare while the parent works, dealing with the pressures of middle-class life – these are life's difficulties. That's not to say the rich and famous don't have their own issues – it's to say that having all that money means many of them use it to take the easy way out.

I applaud them if they can divorce and keep things amicable for the sake of the children.

I am saddened the couple has split. I agree that not everyone is meant to be married happily ever after. Still, this heavy focus on the couple's split is not important in the great grand scheme of things. After all, Paltrow is a woman who touts healthy food, taking care of one's own self, while photos have been recently released showing that she still smokes cigarettes. If that isn't confusing, I don't know what is.

Perhaps she will consciously uncouple herself from that addiction some day.

In the meantime, my husband and I will continue to consciously couple ourselves right into our 90s I hope, with many more years of marital bliss under our belts.

A mother is the star of every child's heart

With every year I age, I grow further away from the year my mother passed away. I grow closer to the year when, even had she lived, she would no longer be on this earth anyway.

After  32 years, I still miss my mother as if she left us just yesterday.

My mother and I, about 18 months old, in
Fredericksburg, Virginia.

I was always closer to my father than my mother – a specific bond existed between us that no one else could duplicate. I chose to hang out with my dad even when I was a child.

Until the day he died in 2002, I always preferred the companionship of my father – the sound of his voice, the delight in his hearty laughter, the simplicity of his faith in God.

Yet, it is the loss of my mother that makes me ache, even after all these years.

What is a mother?

Anyone who has carried a child in her belly knows the answer to this question. We are bound to our child from conception. It is our mother's voice that draws us as infants and whom we hear scolding us even into adulthood when we misbehave.

A mother has her own way of comforting us – a soothing hand patting our back, holding our heads when we are sick, preparing our favorite food.

She teaches us to seek and desire a life separate from her, yet yearns to hold onto us tightly and never truly let us go.

She is the first one we laughingly blame when our own children are growing and we realize that we've reprimanded our children the same way she did. "Holy cow, I have turned into my mother!"

She is the one who taught us how to tuck the sheets into the mattress, slip a pillowcase on the pillow, fold our clothes, do our laundry.

Mother is the one who taught us how to cook, cut a tomato, make a tuna sandwich, bake those Toll House cookies just right.

Mother is the one who made Christmas extra special each and every year – putting forth so much effort and sacrifice so the magic is always there.

Christmas is when I miss my mother the most. It's when I remember how exhausted my mother was because I too, am beyond tired. Those traditions she held, the special food, the stories – to be passed down through subsequent generations.

Mother is the one who knew just what to give me when I was home sick from school. The right comfort food, the cool cloth on my forehead, the warm, fuzzy blanket.

She also knew when I was faking and how to catch me at it. She was the one who spanked me with the riding crop she'd gleefully found in the antique store until the day I found its hiding place and broke it. Mother is the one who substituted her high heel shoe in place of the riding crop I had broken.

I deserved every spanking I got and I am none the worse for wear despite the harshness of those punishments. She taught me how to respect – not just my elders, but also my parents.

Remembering Mom

At the age of 19, I was estranged from my parents for a time. At this time, they moved to Missouri from the east coast and I moved on with my life – not speaking to my parents for an entire year.

My mother was 59 at the time, 18 months older than I am now. And I really didn't know her very well.

After a year of lackluster correspondence, we reconciled the way that older generation did – we picked up where we left off without ever bringing up the ugly past.

Little did I know as I selfishly rolled through my lower 20s, that my mother would only be with us another five years.

For a long time I only had the few years of letters from her to comfort me. I lived with the guilt from the rift we'd had and the time I had lost with her – it consumed me for years.

Thirty-two years after my mother died, I discovered a box of letters she had written to my older sister during the six years after my parents had moved back to Missouri. Reading through each one, I discovered just how wise my mother had been during our estrangement.

Urging my father to forgive me and my sister to let the past go had been my mother's constant advice. Despite equal fault on all our sides, my parents never accepted responsibility for their part in our estrangement. However, the art of forgiveness and reconciliation was exacted with precision and grace and we never looked back.

In reading those letters I found the forgiveness I had desired from my mother for over 30 years. She not only forgave, she loved me deeply.

Once again I found my mother and experienced every bit of her personality, not just from those last years, but also from the time she met my father, dated and married him. Their first years as loving newlyweds are evident in yet another box of letters my father had saved.

I learned of every place they had ever lived, their church family, neighbors and friends, their income and debts, their wishes and desires, their heartaches and fears.

From the beginning my mother wrote newsy letters – daily. When Dad went away on business, she wrote him every, single day. In reading through these treasures, I found myself re-living those days with them.

The letters my mother wrote in the last six years of her life were even more informative as if she was writing her life's diary. She wrote of the Missouri weather, the local church people, their new friends and reacquainting themselves with family and old friends. She wrote about their garden, our cat Buttons, shopping at the mall, visiting the Truman Library, Missouri sunsets and its rolling countryside, ice cream from the local Dairy Queen, trips to restaurants, what they ate and how much it cost.

My Mom & Dad in December 1977. Dad was celebrating his
25th anniversary as an Episcopal Priest. They are holding
the vestments (white & blue) Mom had made for him. My
father would later be buried in the same vestments.

Sounds trivial doesn't it? It's not – it is endearing and comforting in taking me back to the commonality and complexity that was my parents.

In 1982 there were no huge flat-screened TVs, no CD players, DVD players, cell phones, multiple phone carriers or Internet. Microwave ovens had just become more commonplace as had answering machines and cassette players, yet they didn't have any of these. Life was enjoyed with rabbit ears on the 24" TV and a good book.

Communication was done through the telephone or letter writing – an art my mother had nailed perfectly.

I am so grateful that I have these reminders of who she was. That I can still hear her voice calling me, "Elizabeth Anne!" That I can look at one of her paintings, remembering the time she painted the lilacs and they had been dead for months before she finished her artwork. I can still remember her childish delight at seeing her grandson Jimmy, hanging out at my brother's cabin in Maine, climbing a mountain or catching a fish when we went out fishing.

I remember the special trip to our favorite spot on the Potomac River in Virginia that she took me on in my senior year. Because I didn't have a date to the prom, my mother treated me to a mother/daughter retreat that I've never forgotten.

I can easily recall the taste of her remarkable fried chicken and the way she would take the extra time to cook up a huge batch for our first day on vacation so we could keep up our traditional lunch when we stopped at a roadside park.

I can remember the smell of her Tony perms and the Pond's cold cream she used twice a day. The sight of a pair of earrings on her bedside table – removed just before she turned out the light.  Her tuna casserole for Christmas Eve dinner – served in between Dad's Christmas services; her layout of dip, cheese, crackers and Cold Duck served to us after the midnight service, along with a real Smithfield ham and southern biscuits; the Christmas morning breakfast of pancakes and waffles and filling my stocking with delightful surprises.

My mother in 1965, exhausted yet smiling, after
a busy Christmas of multiple church services,
bazaars, meals, gifts and family visits.

I can see my mother's white knuckles as she gripped the steering wheel whenever she drove and the sight of her slightly manicured nails, always covered with a smidgin of clear polish.

She saved dimes throughout the year to pay for our Christmas tree and stocked her dresser with a hoard of hosiery, bobby pins, hair combs, emery boards and orange-red Tangee lipstick. Her closet always had a variety of different colored Grasshopper sneakers, aprons and dusters to wear around the house.

I am reminded of a time when life was much slower. When we weren't bombarded daily by news, phone calls and texts, emails, and social network. When our lives weren't cluttered with a house full of electronic equipment and when our mailboxes were loaded with hand-written letters and cards.

Despite 32 years of separation by death, my mother remains close to me – my heart and mind rich with memories. Nothing separates us from our loved ones, not even death – for memories comfort, teach and live within us forever.